So it has been almost 2 months since I last posted anything. Let me catch you up on what’s been happening…just give me a second…I’m sure there’s been something…Nope I got nothing. Not one thing. Two months have passed, and I can’t really remember much about them. I have been utterly lost in life. Does that ever happen to you?
This is not the good kind of “lost.” The kind where you just get so caught up in the moment, caught up in living that things like blogs and email and social media fall by the wayside. That kind of lost (which I don’t even think of as lost, so much as I do just truly living) is ok. More than ok. That kind of lost is simply perfection. What more could anyone ask than to be so entirely immersed in your own life that you forget to play commentator?
What I have been doing? It has not been that. That kind of living involves conscious appreciation for each moment that you’re experiencing. It involves being in the moment and knowing that you’re in the moment and loving the fact that you’re in the moment. I’m grateful to have had many times like that (I even blogged about my last one) in the past, and I’m sure I’ll have many more in the future. But that is not what has been going on the last two months.
As I said before, I have been lost. I know that I’ve worked. I’ve played. I’ve cleaned. I’ve loved. I’m sure I even enjoyed a large part of May and June. But I don’t really feel it. You know? It’s just one of those times when you look up and go, “it’s almost July? When did that happen?” I have just been caught up in the daily grind.
And it fucking sucks.
There. I said it. I started to edit myself, but then I thought “why?” What better way to describe the feeling that your life is a chore? There isn’t one. I typed and retyped and nothing. else. worked. So there it is. You can love it or hate it, but you can’t deny the truth that sometimes only an f-bomb will do. And this is definitely one of those times. At least for me it is. You see, I live my life fairly loosey-goosey. I’m not big on structures and schedules. I like to take what life throws at me and run with it.
Dinner at 8 instead of 6 so we can capture the fading sunlight? Yes!
Cancelled date with dirty clothes and dirty floors so we can have a bonfire with the family? Absolutely!
Bedtime moved back to 11 because the lightning bugs were begging to be chased? Fantastic!
These are the things that make me happy. These are what make me really feel my life down in my bones. And sometimes a schedule just gets in the way of all that. Call me a hippy, but I just love LIFE. I love my family, my friends, my job. I love doing everything and doing nothing. I enjoy it all. So you can see why it feeling like a chore pisses me off so much.
But I’m happy to say that I’ve snapped myself out it. I found unlikely inspiration in what has got to be the worst road construction ever in the history of this planet. I won’t go in to the details, but it is a hot mess. It caused me to make a U-turn on my way to work (and by U-turn, I mean that at 3am, still drowsy from cold medicine, I couldn’t tell if the road was open or closed and I found myself on the interstate, headed away from work, and had to use the “authorized vehicles only” pull off) and then make another U-Turn on my way home from work (and by U-turn I mean, “there’s no way in hell I’m sitting in this traffic. Let me just turn around and take the back way home.)
That second one got me thinking about life and how I’ve been in a rut. I missed my blog. I missed reading. I missed all the things that made my life, a life. So here I am. Back and ready to enjoy every minute of everything. I hope you are too! 🙂
I know I said I snapped myself out of it, but I have to give a shout out to my friend at work. He just would NOT STOP asking me about my blog. He kept it front and center in my mind, which lead to the whole U-Turn epiphany and to this blog, which has now turned into the longest “Hello!” in the world. Thanks for not letting me give it up!